I’ve never understood this: Many women are eager to share their children’s birth stories (even the gory parts), but hardly anyone talks about when and how they came to the decision to make a baby in the first place. That’s why I’m thrilled to introduce my new recurring feature, Maybe to Baby.
Even if you grow up wanting to become a mom someday, you’re not automatically ready to birth babies as soon as you check into your honeymoon suite. In fact, I still don’t know when that moment will come for me, and I bet some of you are wondering if/when it’ll happen for you. So I’m hoping that learning when others realized they were ready to start a family will help us recognize when we’re coming to that conclusion, ourselves.
Thankfully, my friend Cynthia, who’s a mom to a little boy, agreed to candidly answer my prying questions on how it happened for her.
How old were you when you started trying for a baby?
29–a few months shy of 30
How long were you married at that point?
What changed in your life that moved you and your hubby from not ready to ready?
I moved my “target date” up a year after an older friend remarked, “Why are you waiting? It gets so scary as you get older.” That struck a chord with me.
How did you know the time was right to have a baby?
We finally felt like we were getting to a more financially stable place–we had built up some savings and established ourselves career-wise. Also, at times, things started to feel a little empty, like on holidays–it felt like something like was missing. Plus, we were over the bar and party scene a long time ago–we were already eating out at 6 p.m. with all the families!
Did you ever worry earlier in your marriage that you’d never feel ready?
Ha, yes. Even now, sometimes I worry, oh, should we have waited and saved more money?
What would you say to married women who are worried they’ll never be ready for babies?
If you know you want kids, you have to take the plunge sooner or later. It’s hard because you really have to have kids just as you’re hitting your stride, career-wise. My grandmother (a mother of five) bugged me for years about when we were going to have kids, and I would always tell her, “Grandma, we’re waiting until we have enough money,” to which she’d reply, “Well, you’ll be dead by then!”
Is it reassuring to hear that a mom was afraid she’d never be ready (it was for me!)? Anyone out there not sure when they’ll have kids?
More About Having Babies
Do Health Insurers Hate Married Childless People?
Promise to My Future Baby: I Won’t Send Out Photos of You Looking Like an Alien
Marriage First: Buying Clothes With a Baby Bump in Mind
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Photo by Catherine Scott