Wedding WTF: “My Guy Cheated on Me…But His Friend Still Expected Me to Be in Her Wedding!”

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Breaking up is hard to do. And breaking up is even harder when a random bride makes the end of your relationship all about her. Check out my friend’s story.

“My boyfriend and I were dating for four years and living together, and we had talked about getting engaged. One of his friends made him a groomsman in his wedding, and the bride, who I’m not that close with, asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was surprised to be asked, but I said yes.

A few weeks before the wedding, I stumbled upon a plane ticket in our apartment. It was for my boyfriend for a trip I didn’t know about. I confronted him and he confessed to cheating on me–he was planning on taking a vacation with some girl. We broke up and I moved out.

Being a responsible bridesmaid, I contacted the bride right away to let her know what happened. I told her it would be too painful for me to see my ex (who I was paired with for our walk down the aisle) and I hoped she’d understand why I wouldn’t be attending her wedding. I also told her I wouldn’t be coming to her bachelorette party because I’d be a Debbie Downer and I wouldn’t want to ruin her fun.

I was expecting the bride to be understanding–maybe even relieved because we’re not that close–but instead, she got annoyed with me! She told me that if I didn’t walk down the aisle, I’d throw off the wedding party numbers–she had an equal amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen and everyone was walking with their girlfriend or boyfriend. Once I made it clear that I absolutely wasn’t going to the wedding, she insisted I at least attend her bachelorette party. She said going ‘would be good for me,’ despite the fact that I barely know anyone who’d be there. Next time, I’ll be a lot more careful about accepting someone’s invitation to be a bridesmaid!”

I think this bride was fairly heartless for trying to guilt my friend into remaining a bridesmaid, but what do you think? If you had just found out the guy you thought you’d marry was cheating on you, would you be willing to walk down the aisle with him at a wedding for a couple you don’t know well? If you were the bride, would a last-minute drop-out like this bug you or would you understand her reasons?

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_TNB4WXAYR3TZBUQTMQZ7W2QWUY Pat

    The bride should have been more understanding.  After all, if SHE broke up with her fiance, she would feel entitled to bow out of events where they were paired together.  Also, saying that everyone was walking down the aisle with his or her boyfriend or girlfriend excuses this girl!  Her EX is in the wedding; she doesn’t have a boyfriend walking down the aisle anymore.  

  • Anonymous

     Such good points, Pat!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1267444983 Erika Baer Messer

    If you were friends with her, I would have still went and just dealt with the pain.  It’s not her fault that your boyfriend did what he did, and you made her a promise.  It’s never easy, I know this because I had a girl back out of my wedding at the very last few days.  Her dress was ready, she was super-skinny and almost no one was going to fit into her dress.  But somehow by the grace of god my hubby-to-be’s 15 year old niece fit perfectly and she was more than excited when we asked her.  But had she not been there, it would have thrown off the whole thing, because I planned it so everyone would be walking down the aisle with someone they knew or were involved with.  Perhaps you could have suggested switching partners with someone else to get through it?  IDK but I wouldn’t have dumped on someone that way.  As a bride I would understand the reasons, but I expect when someone makes a promise like that they will keep it. 

  • http://twitter.com/mereditor Meredith Bodgas

    Thanks for your thoughts, Erika. I’m glad you were able to find a replacement bridesmaid. I agree that women shouldn’t accept invitations to be bridesmaids lightly, and your idea of switching partners is a good one (though it sounded like everyone was matched up with their sig. other), but I think this particular bride was a bit heartless to make this situation all about her. My pal was cheated on by her boyfriend of many years with she she lived, and this bride only cared about how her backing out would affect the even-ness of the bridal party. I’d say that’s more inconsiderate than a bridesmaid backing out in the first place. 

  • Anonymous

    Weddings are HUGE investments!  An attendant backing out a few weeks before the big day would be, in my opinion HUGE! With the cost that is involved in being a bridesmaid people should not agree to be a part of the wedding if they are not close to the couple. That was probably your friends first mistake. If she had been closer to the bride would she have backed out so easily? I think it would have shown a great deal of charactor for her to have lived up to her commitment. As Erin said,”It wasn’t the brides fault” that your friend chose a partner that ended up being a pig..

    • Anonymous

      I agree that if my friend had been closer with the bride, she may not have backed out. But if the bride had been closer with my friend, she would have shown an ounce of remorse that my friend’s relationship had spontaneously combusted. 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/VSLPWTUOSS3YPIL4BB35GXY3XM Jenn

    I’m sorry but I happen to have a sister who was cheated on by her fiance. You cannot begin to understand the levels of devastation that wreaks on a person, unless it’s happened to you. I only have the understanding of a observer/supporter, and even from there it is very bad. Maybe it WOULD have shown great character for her to have gone despite everything, but I think it is pretty heartless to DEMAND that she do so. And it certainly doesn’t show any lack of character on her part that she wasn’t willing to put herself through that kind of pain for someone she hardly knew, through her EX no less!

    I completely understand that weddings are super huge investments of time and money (I am planning my own right now). Still, having uneven wedding party sides is not the end of the world. Being cheated on by the person who you thought loved you most shatters your reality into pieces.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FLDQ5KCNSUHWX25BNTMA6QMOXQ Pamela

    As a bride, I would be disappointed in having to make new arrangements, but not angry or demanding.  There are so many ways to adapt, and when planning any event, detours will occur.  The first thing the bride should have done in my opinion is to explain how much she would still like the bridesmaid to be in her wedding and ask if there were anything she could do to make her reconsider, such as switching the partners (really, how critical is the pairing, and I would like to think any of the other bridesmaids would be understanding of the situation).  If she still didn’t want to attend, then I would ask to use her dress and find a fill in , or the couple could ask the to groomsman to step down to being an usher, he is after all the one who created the situation. 

    • http://twitter.com/AstarteOurania AstarteOurania

       I think it would be highly insensitive for the bride to do anything of the kind just so she doesn’t have to change her wedding plans.  As the bride I would immediately understand and tell her not to worry about it, not try to make her reconsider, especially as she’s not a best friend of the bride.  If she was the best friend of the bride, I’d say they need to have some heart to hearts and see if it’s at all possible and sometimes it won’t be and that is fine.  You’d have to be a pretty heartless diva of a bride to insist that your friend be present with the guy who cheated on her.  I’d prefer to bounce the cheat out of the wedding if I could. 

  • Fed_Up18

    Wow, if this girl was going to be a bridezilla, the least she could have done was insist her fiance dump the cheater!!! Gosh, how totally backwards stupid!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/avitale8259 Anna Elizabeth Vitale

    Here’s how I feel: she agreed to be a bridesmaid.
    That’s not like agreeing to attend a party; it’s a real responsibility.
    And for a bride who is already stressed out due to a wedding and changing life, the last thing you want to hear is that there’s an issue with a bridesmaid.
    I’m so sorry for your friend, and I understand her pain. But to me, this is a suck-it-up moment. You go to the wedding, you smile into the cheating bastard’s face, you get through it, go home, and never talk to any of them again.
    It would be preferable for the bride to say “Oh my goodness, that’s awful. I would really appreciate it if you could stay on board as a bridesmaid and give me a little time to replace you, but if I can’t, please don’t throw a wrench in the wedding I’ve been spending months and months and lots of money planning!”
    A few weeks is vague. Three? Go do it. Suck it up and be the better person. Six? Tell her she needs to find someone new, but that you’ll stand in officially until she does.
    Having played the MOH who dealt with bridesmaid issues (so the bride wouldn’t have to!), there’s a certain point of no return. A point where the plans are made and there’s not enough time to deal with something like this unless you have to–and nobody wants to be configuring a new bridesmaid three weeks before the wedding when they’re trying ti sort out the details of everything else that just went wrong with the catering and the venue and Great Aunt Millie’s loud request for a front-row seat even though there are no more front row seats to be had.

    • ferngilly

      This response is utterly ignorant.  The woman in question has every right to back out.  Why do the principles of free choice and liberty go out the window when one woman deigns to select another woman to be a bridesmaid?  The only point of no return is the actual day two people married.  It is just a wedding.  Other people’s lives don’t stop, drop and roll just because a couple get married.

  • KatRHat

    I think the bride handled things badly but if its a few weeks before the wedding that is a major stress.
    The bride should have changed up the partners and the girl should have still tried to fake a smile. It sucks but she agreed to be in this woman’s wedding. If it was a few months before sure but a few weeks would mean finding a new girl, getting her dressed, setting hair and nail appointments and more. That is a lot to do when its down to the wire.

    • Natasha S

      Or she could have simply gone w. one less bridesmaid… 

  • Natasha S

    I think that the people who are saying that she should have sucked it up are being ridiculous. People completely lose perspective these days. It’s all about the big party, not the marriage itself for so many people. If I were the bride I would have understood. Seeing the guy who cheated on her would be devastating. I have no idea why the chick invited her to the wedding in the first place, but to be this demanding even if she was a close friend is nuts.

  • Invidosa

    Selfish ass bridezilla!

    My wedding is coming up in a few months and I can honestly say that I totally disagree with psycho-bride on this one. So you are down a bridesmaid, so what? Either walk down the aisle with one less lady, or perhaps you can find a last min. replacement. Either way it shuld be no big deal.

    Somehow we have become so wrapped up in the pagentry of weddings that we have almost forgotten that it is about love and people. Brides like this need to get over themselves!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lizjoe217 Elizabeth Joseph

    Why would a bride want a miserable couple to stand up in her wedding?? I’d much rather have a happy wedding party- ‘uneven’, or not – than have a few extra people to take up photo space. The bride clearly stated her party was made up of ‘couples’. Well, one ‘set’ was no longer a ‘couple’. The bride needed to ‘suck it up’. Crap happens, especially when planning a wedding. Again, IMHO, a ‘happy’ wedding is a ‘great’ wedding.

  • Andrey Lara

    I’m Alicia Debby Oxborn from Orlando USA, i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex boyfriend. After 3 years in relationship with mmy boyfriend he suddenly told me that he was tired of the relationship and broke up with me, i was emotionally devastated because i really did love him, i tried all i could to get him back but all proved abortive until i saw a post on the internet on how a spell caster Dr. Ikedi helps people restore back their broken relationship/marriage at first i doubted this but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via email he helped me cast a re-union spell and within 5hours my boyfriend came back to me apologising and today we are happily together again. Contact this great spell caster on your marriage and relationship problems at ikedispiritualtemple@gmail.com Goodluck

  • MINDY

    It’s not an easy thing to do but I think she should suck it up. I was asked to be in the wedding of my friend who married my ex boyfriends brother. My ex had cheated on me with another of my best friends. They ended up marrying. He also has an identical twin brother who happened to marry my cousin at some point (a cousin who has nothing to do with our family). So long story short, there was no way I was walking with the ex so I walked with his twin brother (my cousins husband). She was no more thrilled about it than I was but we were adults about it and got through it. It was not a good time for me and I was extremely uncomfortable but I was asked to be in the wedding. I feel the only way I had the right to back out is if there were health issues, a death in the family, etc. But I was not about to let my friend down just because someone let ME down. It wasn’t her fault that I was treated poorly…so it was not right for me to ruin the biggest day of her life. I sucked it up and I got through it. Besides…I am sure it made my ex and his skanky wife much more mad that I held my head high and did it. I showed them they weren’t going to control my life. I was by far the bigger person…and never regretted it.

  • davisha

    i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex boyfriend. After 4 years in relationship with my husband with 2 kids, he suddenly started going out with other ladies and coming home late, most at times drunk and each time i confront him about this it turns out to be fight, he even threatened to divorce me severally, I was emotionally devastated because i was not sure of what to do to make him love me again, I tried all i could to make him love me again but all proved abortive until i saw a post on the internet on how a spell caster Dr. Zaki helps people restore back their broken relationship/marriage at first i doubted this but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via email he helped me cast a re-union spell and within 5hours my husband came to me apologizing and today we are happily together again. Contact this great spell caster on your marriage and relationship problems at dr.zakispellhome@gmail.com Goodluck