Josie’s Ready for a Baby! But Here’s Why She’s Waiting

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Like a lot of Merital Bliss readers, Josie wants to be a mom someday. Unlike the majority, though, she wishes someday were yesterday. I’d be remiss if I didn’t share her perspective on family-starting. Maybe you’ll relate…

“Coming from a liberal, feminist, and well-educated background, I feel like my peer group judges me for 1) getting married so young (at 24), 2) wanting a baby as much as a career and 3) being ready for a baby so young.

We were 22 when we started dating, and we were talking about kids three months into our relationship. Jimmy’s from Peru, where it’s common to have kids young. In fact, we’re the only couple in his group of friends from home who don’t have children yet. We haven’t yet been scared off by the idea of parenthood, maybe because we don’t have any friends with kids in the U.S., so we haven’t seen firsthand the hardships that come with having a baby.

Despite being ready emotionally, though, we’re by no means ready financially. I’m beginning my career and I have big dreams. Jimmy’s a line cook but wants to be an X-ray technician. That means at least three years of school…and debt. If we had a baby now, we wouldn’t have the stability we want or be able to spend the time that we want to dedicate to our child.

By waiting, we’re giving our child possibilities. I grew up fairly wealthy, and Jimmy had next to nothing growing up (he sold tamales to help pay rent at age 6). I had the possibility of education, whereas Jimmy didn’t. We want to offer our kids the best possibility for education. And we want to spoil them a little.

Plus we want to travel, enjoy each other’s company, and be solid in our relationship. We’re giving our future children more mature parents who aren’t going to resent them.

But I have this primal need. My body wants to be pregnant. This is multiplied by the fact that we’re fairly stable and will have been married for a year this month. So kids seem like the logical next step.

We’ve set 2015 as our goal year to start trying, but it depends on whether Jimmy has his career on track by then. If not, we might start trying anyway. I’ve always heard, ‘The best way to afford a baby is to have a baby.’ We’d just rather not push the limits!”

Josie can’t be alone in wanting a kid, like, now! Raise your hand, er, like this post, if you’d be happy to make a baby today. And if so, why are you waiting?

More About Having Babies
The Best Before-a-Baby Advice I Never Got
Maybe to Baby: Lauren Realized She Was Less Not Ready for a Family
Maybe to Baby: How Cynthia Decided She Was Ready for Motherhood

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Photo by Catherine Scott

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  • Stephanie

    I definitely know how Josie feels because my husband and I are in a similar situation. We’ve been married for little over a year and have been talking about kids for about four years. We know we want to have kids soon (we’re 25 now) but just don’t think we can make it happen.
    Pretty much all of our (slightly older) friends have either had kids within the last 1-2 years or are currently expecting and are asking us when we are going to “join the club” because they want our kids to be the same age. It would be great to have our kids growing up together but we’re not yet as financially stable as I’d like to be.
    I graduated college recently and just started my career and I don’t earn that much yet plus I’m not sure if we’d be able to raise a kid on my husband’s pay. Apart from that we’d definitely need to upgrade to a 2-bedroom apartment which is also going to cost more money.
    And on top of that there are certain health factors as I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS. It’s not certain if I’ll be able to have kids so we’ll probably have to save up money for fertility treatments and the like.
    So for now we’ve decided to start trying in 2014 and until then we’ll just save up as much money as we can!

    • Meredith Bodgas

      Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Steph. Lots of luck with everything.

  • cese_ed

    Wow, reading Josie’s story definitely feels like my own! While my partner and I are not yet married, we from pretty much day one have been talking about having children – but know that we have to wait to be in a comfortable financial place before we can get pregnant. We’re both in the process of paying off our student debt first, and hopefully then can be in a more stable position.

    • Meredith Bodgas

      I’m so glad you could relate!

  • Renee Liebowitz

    Hi – I’m Renee – I’m a psychotherapist.  Over the course of the past year, I’ve completed my licensure process (which takes years and is quite arduous), established a sole proprietorship private practice, and most recently, incorporated with the hopes of expanding and taking on some associates.

    My in-laws turned to me over the winter holidays and said “When are you having a baby?”  I said “What are you talking about??  I gave birth last June!” (which is when my practice opened).

    I would love a baby RIGHT now, but my husband and I have waited because I want to give birth to myself first.  And while biology might not be on my side for the whole process, I want to give my dreams a fighting chance.  I sat in a classroom full time from ages 4 – 26– I want to do something with that.      

    • meredith

      I love that your business is your baby! What a smart answer. And UG about them prying into your personal life!