Brides have to stick together. After all, no one better understands why it’s of the utmost importance that you have Vanda orchids and not Dendrobium orchids in your centerpieces. So let’s not piss each other off, okay? See if you agree with me that these are the cruelest things women getting married can do to each other.
Book or buy something your bride-pal wants but can’t afford.
An engaged friend, we’ll call her Blossom, recently asked me for the name of the hall that our mutual friend, we’ll call her Six, loved for her wedding. Six isn’t getting married there because it’s heartbreakingly out of her price range. Blossom, who has a big budget for her nuptials, decided she should get married there–without having seen it. “Well, Six loved it so much, it must be great!” she enthused. If these gals were merely guests at each other’s wedding, it’d suck for Six, but she’d get over it. But, as you know, Blossom and Six are best friends–and they’re bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. Hosting your event in the dream hall your BFF discovered is the equivalent of saying, “Haha, I’m richer than you.” The same goes for buying her ideal wedding dress or booking that amazing band she plucked from obscurity. With so many venues and vendors out there, there’s zero reason to book places and people your pal found first.
Make it seem like another bride’s invited to your wedding when she isn’t.
Brides discuss weddings together, whether or not they plan on including each other on their guest lists. There’s nothing wrong with that. But asking someone to keep your wedding date open or saying things like, “Can’t wait for you to see the bouquets!” isn’t cool if you’re not 100% positive the lady with whom you’re conversing is invited. All it does is make the other bride feel like she has to invite you–and then hate herself for including you when you had no intention of welcoming her at your celebration.
Constantly compare weddings.
No two brides have the same budget and priorities. Gloating about your wedding decisions or judging a bride for hers is childish. You’re each getting married to a guy you love and planning a party to celebrate that. You both win.
Dominate bridesmaids’ time and budgets.
Maybe you and another bride have bridesmaids in common. Or maybe one of your bridesmaids is getting married, herself. In either case, do as others do unto you. If your bride-friend is keeping her bachelorette party local because your funds are dedicated to your wedding, don’t insist on a group trip to Vegas for your hen do. And if you’ve got a popular bridesmaid in your group, don’t expect her to address your wedding invitations, assemble your ceremony programs and help with your seating chart because she’ll need time left over to assist that other bride and, you know, have her own life.
Race to the altar.
Every engaged couple is on their own timeline. If you want two years to plan your wedding (hey, I did), take it. If you want to get married three months after the proposal, do it. Moving up your wedding so it comes before a pal’s is silly (who cares if people don’t know that the photo booth was your idea first?)–and a lot more effort than it’s worth.
Talk incessantly about your wedding at her party.
Of course you’ll be thinking about your impending nuptials when you go to others’ weddings. But remember why you’re there: to celebrate THAT bride and groom. No need to tell guests that you’ll be offering steak when the meal comes out, skipping the bouquet toss when that bride throws her flowers and giving out sparklers when the newlyweds exit through a barrage of bubbles. Care about the couple who deem you important enough to be with them on that huge day and be present in each moment.
What would you add to this list? Any of the above not so mean?
More About Weddings
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How to Tell If a Friend Is Bridesmaid-Worthy
6 “Budget” Wedding Tips That Aren’t Worth It
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Photo by Chris Valencia