Strip Club Bachelor Parties–and Why I Wish They’d Die

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The other day, I was at a barbecue with Paul’s current and former coworkers. Paul wasn’t there because he was at his friend’s bachelor party. Rightly assuming that a strip club was involved in said bachelor party, and knowing that I’m not a fan of strip clubs, our pals teased me. “Paul probably has another lady on his lap right now!” “How many nipple tassels do you think he’s flicked by this point?” And while I didn’t intend it to, this sparked an intense, though friendly, conversation with nearly all the attendees at the barbecue, including the ones I just met.

My uncensored feeling that has solicited many eye rolls (and I’m sure will garner some fantastic comments below): I’m not comfortable with my husband spending our money to go somewhere with the sole purpose of watching topless women dance. If Paul absolutely loved going to strip clubs and could articulate his passion for it, that’d be one thing, but he’s not into it, either. So I have zero reason to support Paul going to strip clubs.

Men at the barbecue were shocked by my stance. They couldn’t believe that Paul’s own bachelor party didn’t involve a strip club (Paul said it didn’t, and I trust him emphatically). “It’s a ritual for bachelor parties! It’s one last night as a single man!” they argued.

Guys’ last night as single men is the day before they commit to being exclusive with their girlfriends–not the day before they exchange wedding vows. I don’t consider going to strip clubs to be cheating, but I don’t see why it’s a prerequisite to getting married. It’s an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think a guy should commit to a woman who’s anti-strip club if he wouldn’t be happy seeing more ladyparts in person than just hers for the rest of his life. If a girlfriend/fiancee/wife is fine with her guy ogling strippers, then fine, see all the boobies you want. But if the love of your life doesn’t feel hunky-dory about dancing naked women, respect that.

Why do I care, the guys at the barbecue wondered. It’s not because I think Paul’s going to fall in love and leave me for a stripper. But I’d be lying if I said it has nothing to do with insecurities about my body. Sure, Paul adores it, chub and all, but the thought of him lusting after a big-breasted, flat-stomached blonde woman (aka my exact opposite) makes me sad. He’d be sad, too, if some ripped, hairless dude (aka Paul’s exact opposite) was turning me on.

That’s not to say men and women can’t be turned on by anything but their spouses. It happens. We’re human. But why go somewhere where people are literally banking on you getting aroused by them?

Would I end my marriage if Paul went to a strip club? Of course not. But while I could get over him just looking, other things that happen at strip clubs wouldn’t sit right with me. I was floored that the male barbecue attendants think it’s okay for married men at strip clubs to touch the strippers’ bare breasts. So I asked, “You’d all be cool with your girlfriends’ touching a stripper’s junk?”

“That’s not the same!” a few yelled in unison.

Hello, double standard!

Just because men don’t have parts up top that polite society mandates be covered doesn’t mean penises are more sacred than breasts. I explained that a random person grabbing my boob is just as violating to me as being touched downstairs.

“Do you get mad when Paul hugs other girls?” a woman at the barbecue retorted. “He’s feeling their boobs,” she pointed out.

It’s about intent. When Paul hugs his female friends, he’s not doing it for the sensation of breasts against his chest. When guys touch strippers’ boobs, there’s something sexual behind that, is there not?

I wish I didn’t care. It’d be much easier that way. But I do. And Paul’s known I do since it came up when we were younger. Everyone has things they’d prefer their spouse doesn’t do. This is mine.

Do you care if your guy goes to see strippers? Do you like strippers? (I was traumatized by one dressed as a pizza delivery boy at my 18th birthday party, so I’m not a fan!)

P.S. How awesome is that Barbie-doll strip club photo I found?!

More Marriage Quandaries
Is This the Strangest Decision You Can Make as Newlyweds?
The 30th Birthday Party Couple Conundrum
Do Health Insurers Hate Childless Married People?

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Photo by macwegen

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  • Tori Campbell

    I completely agree with you! I’ve never understood how the night before the WEDDING is the last single night- were you NOT in a committed relationship beforehand? Also, I’m appalled at the suggestion that it’s fine for men to enjoy strippers, yet not okay for women. And honestly, I would end my relationship if my guy was at a strip club. My thought is, if I’m not enough, then he’s not the one. There are some boundaries you just have to respect.
    Also- hugging means a guy is feeling a woman’s boobs? Seriously?!? That’s just ridiculous. I guess next time I hug my bestie that means I’m a lesbian.

    • mereditor

      Glad I’m not alone. And ha re: hugging your bestie!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/SIII47P4IBQSATYB2XKDXPAG7Q elizabeth

    The photo is very funny! 

    Our friend recently mentioned getting strippers while I was sitting right there- my fiance said no there would be no strippers- just guys with beer and video games. I really hope I can trust that his guy friends won’t get one anyways. They even admitted it’s just so one of them can get lucky- kind of perverse. I won’t bring a chip and dale dancer to my friend’s party unwelcomed so I can have sex with him…doesn’t make sense!

    I totally agree with the double standard! My fiance DOES think chip and dale’s and such are worse than female strip clubs stating that the gals can do whatever they want to the guys…well most female strippers make the majority of their money from doing “extra touching”. It’s the idea of it all and yes- if a man touched my breasts un-welcomed I would be just as offended and upset as if they touched my genatilia!

    Best point mentioned- that the night before marriage isn’t the”last single night”! Unless perhaps if you are in Vegas marrying someone you weren’t previously in a relationship with! Being in a relationship to me means being monogamous! That doesn’t change for a night before vows and it shouldn’t. I won’t knowingly marry someone who wants to/is willing to touch another woman sexually-he should only be touching me sexually! Especially at the start of marriage! 

    I keep myself in shape, pretty eyes and smile, have big boobs, overall great package sexually (have been told so by every partner) and yet in my past I still have found two men who thought it was okay to be with/touch other women while with me. So it’s not a personal thing towards you as the woman. Interesting fact: each of those guys tried getting in touch years later and it’s not pretty (the one that straight-up cheated has even had to go through sex-therapy)! lol I am luckily with a man who understands mutual respect, passion, and admiration. I can smile that I am not with men that obviously have different views of relationships.

    • mereditor

      Thanks for chiming in, Elizabeth! Totally agree.

  • jd200600

    I have been to a dozen bachelor parties and not a one of them had a strip club visit.  I don’t think that they have to have one…I had a blast at all of the parties that I have attended.  I don’t see anything wrong with going to strip clubs and I don’t care if the future wife goes to them either. 

  • contel

    Thinking about having my BP at a strip club and thought I might get some insight on whether it was as good or bad idea. Guess not, but cool post.

  • Elizabeth

    I have always thought it was an inappropriate and disgusting tradition. What could possibly make for a worse scenario than drunk men, sexually-stimulating women walking around taking their clothes off (and even in some cases there are actual prostitutes hanging around who have a side-room), and the influence of all his buddies who are also drunk?
    The night before your wedding?! Really?! You aren’t single, you’re engaged. You shouldn’t be putting temptation after temptation before yourself during any part of a relationship, let alone before your wedding day.
    It may not be offical yet, but you have already commited to one woman, you already threw away any other flings. And honestly, how would a guy actually feel if his girl went to the same sort of thing and opened herself up to slutty men? Ridiculous. Ugh.

  • Chay Chay

    It is a disgusting and disrespect act in so many ways. It represents inequality and dominance. Dominance over women as “sex objects” and dominance over the bride. Also, the vast majority of women don’t really want to be strippers. They do it because our male-dominated society has created an unfair wage gap. I refuse to be with a man who goes to strip clubs. I’m sooo much happier this way. Some people would say “trust him”, ummmmm I say I want to trust him to not set foot into a strip club or brothel. Also, what men are trying to do is escape from their problems by using sex, alcohol, and drugs. What they need is counseling once in a while and healthy stress-management techniques.

    • Chay Chay

      *disrespectful* lol

  • Chay Chay

    For newly dating people: talk with your partner about important values BEFORE getting into a relationship. Children, religion, finances, what is abuse (verbal and physical), what is cheating, how to handle arguments, and anything else that is important to you. Psychologists say sharing the same core values is a good predictor of a long, and successful relationship. Regarding cheating, technology brings in new challenges. Sexting people, naughty webcam subscriptions, naughty chat-rooms, etc. are things you should discuss. Also talk about strip clubs and brothels. Remember, once they set foot in there the social pressure, alcohol, drugs, and their own hormones will take hold. Anything can happen. Including his dick being taken out and naked women grinding on his dick – even if “penetration” doesn’t happen, can you say herpes, scabies, and crabs? If he’s willing to see naked women, grind with naked women, then why not go a few centimeters deeper in the future? What’s the difference lol?