Wedding WTF: She Threw Herself a Blowout Bachelorette Party…and Says She’s Too Broke for Mine!

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An eye for an eye, a bachelorette party for a bachelorette party. My own celebration was pretty low-key, but goshdarn it, had we gone away, I’d sure as hell fly wherever a bridesmaid-turned-bride wanted me to travel to for hers. Of course, everyone’s on a different budget, but this particular bride doesn’t play by the rules in my opinion. You be the judge.

“Last year, my childhood best friend got married in her new home state across the country from where we grew up. I didn’t have to fly for her shower, but I did have to take a long, pricey flight to get to her wedding. For her bachelorette party, she wanted her bridesmaids to rent a house in the Hamptons in Long Island for a week in the summer. Even though I was able to drive here and save some money, the rental was a huge expense. I was in grad school and not working at the time, but I didn’t protest. I’d just have a little credit card debt and she’d do the same for me, I thought. And we all had a great time, so I looked at it as money well spent.

Now I’m engaged. Since she lives so far away from me and the rest of my bridesmaids, I thought it’d be easier if my shower and bachelorette were on the same day so she wouldn’t have to fly in twice for them, in addition to flying in for my wedding. But she told me not to be silly: ‘Of course I’d fly in for both! You’re going to be too exhausted after your shower to want to go out for your bachelorette party. They deserve their own separate celebration days.’ I polled the rest of my bridesmaids, and they were fine with breaking up the events into two days, so we did.

My sister sent out shower invitations, and my ‘friend’ said she couldn’t make it because of a work event she has to attend. It’s true: It’s her company’s main function of the year. I was confused why she didn’t check the date when my sister was planning the party–my friend’s been working there for many years–and speak up sooner (we would’ve changed the date for her!), but fine. At least she’d be there for my bachelorette party. A few weeks later, this friend tells me she can’t fly in for my bachelorette party. She said money’s just too tight for her right now and she’s already flying in for the wedding.

My feelings were hurt because I spent all that money on her when I had zero to my name. But maybe she and her husband were going through serious financial problems that I wasn’t privy to, so I told her I understood.

Next thing I know, she’s posting pictures on Facebook of her spontaneous romantic getaway to a high-end resort in Aspen. There are captions like ‘So expensive but so worth it!’ and ‘Best hotel room ever!” No wonder money’s tight–this vacation easily cost $5,000.

What kind of a person chooses an expensive location for her bachelorette party and lies about not being able to afford to go to her friend’s? I’m livid and would rather not speak to her anymore, let alone have her be a bridesmaid. I wouldn’t be surprised if she RSVPs no to my wedding because of her ‘money issues!’”

Would you be annoyed with a friend who cried poverty when it came to your wedding events–after convincing you to throw two separate parties–and then took a luxury vacation? Would you kick her out of your wedding party?

More About Weddings
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How to Tell If a Friend Is Bridesmaid-Worthy
6 “Budget” Wedding Tips That Aren’t Worth It

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Photo by Cris Valencia

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=507040754 Jennifer Chemerika

    Ugh, so brutal. I’d be more than annoyed and I’d probably say something to her about it. That’s just childish and selfish… I feel for the bride!

  • http://www.rachelwilkerson.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

    While I understand why the bride is hurt, it’s the friend’s money and she and her husband are free to prioritize that as they see fit. I don’t think the friend lied exactly — I’m sure money is, in fact, tight due to that vacation — but she definitely could have handled it better and not posted the pics on Facebook and told her straight up that the vacation they had already planned (maybe it’s a late honeymoon?) was really pricey and that she couldn’t afford to travel for anything but the wedding. But I don’t think it’s fair to say that just because she had a pricey wedding/shower/bachelorette that she now owes anyone anything. Presumably if this bride said she couldn’t attend due to the price, the friend would have been OK with that or would have changed the plans. Wedding expenses don’t need to be tit-for-tat and I think her presence at the ceremony itself is the most important thing. 

    I think one of the things that sucks about growing up is that all your vacations are dictated by friends’ weddings! With so many friends getting married, and a lot of people really spread out across the country, it ends up being a lot of time off work and airfare and it adds up quickly. I don’t blame the friend and her husband for wanting to take a nice trip rather than spend that money on all that travel for her friend’s pre-wedding parties.  

    • mereditor

      Thanks for chiming in, Rachel! I think the part that’s the most heinous about this is that the bridesmaid was the one who encouraged the bride to split her shower and bachelorette party into two separate days…and isn’t even attending.

      It is a bummer that weddings get in the way of vacays at this age, and I agree that you always need to do what’s best for you. But my feelings would be hurt if a bride expected me to go into debt to attend her wedding events (granted, we don’t know if the bride who got married first “expected” that of her bridesmaids) and then wasn’t willing to do the same for me. It would seem to me the friendship isn’t a two-way street.

  • lealorali

    What a turd. I’d be so mad.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FOHWHTMW3XM67XN4WHF5KGSF5I Barbara

    I’d be extremely upset as well!  Weddings are so expensive and when looking at our budget I realised at least half of it is just for the guest (Food mostly and thank you gifts).
     
    I would tell my friend that I am sorry I can’t have her at my wedding anymore I am cutting people due to my tight budget. 
     
    Yes I know… that seems a bit cold hearted but ever realise how many people are upset because they weren’t invited and they Really wanted to go and how some of the ones that actually do attend sits and criticizes! 
     
    Friendship is like an relationship… its either mutual or its not. 
     
    I’d give the person who is not worth being called a “Friend” the boot, not only did you go the extra mile for her you still doing it now. Would it be great to have her or will seeing her make you think of it ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY?

  • ferngilly

    All this bachelorette hullaballoo is ridiculous.  So what if a friend from out of state can’t come to your bachelorette party or wedding shower?  She works hard for her money, she can spend it as she sees fit.  Friendship isn’t based on money.  Its great that you made her a priority and spent money on her bridal shower.  It is hard being in grad school and also trying to make sure you are there for your friend.  Yet, just because she isn’t spending her money to see you doesn’t mean she isn’t a good friend.  Geez.