6 Things Grooms Won’t Tell Brides

Paul and Meredith at their wedding ceremony

I wonder what Paul's thinking here.

It’s well-known that what happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party, but these other secrets grooms keep may not be as obvious.

We just want you to look like you on our wedding day.
Nothing can stop many of us from having multiple hair and makeup trials and shopping for the (almost) perfect wedding dress. When it comes down to it, though, grooms are hoping their wives-to-be look like themselves on their wedding day. After all, they didn’t propose marriage to some overly coiffed woman with caked-on makeup in a bizarre white dress.

We’re not paying attention when we meet with vendors.
“I took in approximately 0% of what the florist said,” my husband Paul admitted to me. Why? He didn’t care how the centerpieces or bouquets turned out (I’ll admit–they weren’t integral to our and our wedding guests’ good time), so he tuned out as the floral designer suggested ideas. I’d like to think he was comfortable zoning out also because he trusted me not to opt for anything hideous–or hideously overpriced.

We reserve the right to have a strong opinion about something random.
Lots of grooms are happy to let their brides take the reins on wedding planning–yet men getting married will occasionally care a lot (perhaps more than you thought they were capable of) about a particular aspect. For Paul, he refused to hold the wedding reception in a room without windows, even when the alternative was to look out onto a construction site and a Chinese takeout place.

We’d prefer not to match our wedding wear to the color of the bridesmaid dresses.
Who doesn’t love a coordinated wedding party? But there’s a difference between looking tied together and being matchy-matchy. In most cases, grooms wouldn’t choose tuxedos with a vest and bow tie in the same fuchsia hue your best girlfriends are sporting. You’ll likely have a much happier man if you keep pink, purple and teal out of his and his pals’ formalwear.

We’d rather not make an appearance at the bridal shower.
I know I swooned when Paul showed up toward the end of my shower, bouquet of flowers for me in hand. There’s something fun about being engaged to the only guy at the party. But for that guy, it can be a tad awkward to be in a room full of women–especially since the focus tends to be on the bride and the groom is sort of just “there.” And really, we all know why the ladies throwing the party invite the groom to the shower: to help load wedding gifts into the car.

Wedding planning takes too much time and is too expensive.
Paul could’ve done without the countless hours of research and meetings/venue visits. And for the life of him, he can’t understand why serving someone dinner in a decent-looking space costs upwards of $100 a person (or at least it does in New Jersey, where we got married). Still, Paul had a great time at our wedding and is glad we had a reception with our friends and families, as opposed to getting hitched on the cheap at City Hall. He simply wishes we could have had our wedding for less money and effort.

Do you think your groom thinks these things? What else don’t men admit about weddings to the women they’re marrying?

More About Weddings
What No One Admits About Wedding Dresses
How to Tell If a Friend Is Bridesmaid-Worthy
6 “Budget” Wedding Tips That Aren’t Worth It

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Photo by Gail Chatelain