By now, you’ve probably read “Reasons Why You Cannot Be a Bridesmaid,” an e-mail from a bride to her potential bridesmaids that’s gone viral since it was posted on Gawker. Here’s a summary of every response I’ve seen to the bride who penned the message: “What a psycho bitch!” While I can’t defend the power-trippy, condescending tone of the note, this woman isn’t quite the nightmare people are painting her as. Here’s why:
She’s upfront about her expectations
Having been a bridesmaid twice, the good deed I appreciate most from a bride is being clear about what she wants me to do for her throughout her engagement and on her wedding day. And the bride behind this e-mail does that in spades. She addresses everything from time to money commitments in great detail to assure there will be no surprises for her bridal party.
She’s giving her bridesmaids an out.
The main point of the email is asking her closest pals to be part of the wedding–and allowing them to say no if they don’t want in. Though it’s irritating that she constantly refers to the opportunity to be in her bridal party as an honor, childish threats like, “I’ll no longer be your friend if you decline” are noticeably absent. Most brides put a bit more pressure on their friends to accept the offer.
She’s willing to make concessions for out-of-town bridesmaids.
Sad, but true: Some brides demand that far-flung bridal party members fly in for fittings. This bride doesn’t. She’d much rather her girls be there for the (numerous) parties than events that don’t require a group effort.
She piles on the praise for the e-mail recipients.
“Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life. I want to share it with the people that are most important to me.” She goes on to call them amazing. Sure, she pats herself on the back plenty and talks a bit too much about how the bridesmaids are charged with making the bride’s dream wedding come true, but some brides don’t even express how much their potential brides mean to them before requesting they be in the bridal party.
She’s reasonable about party dates.
It sounds like no one will ever have to take a day off work to be in this bridal party. All of the events will take place on weekends, which is not a given these days with couples trying to save money even at the expense of inconveniencing guests with midweek events.
She’s going to try to get her bridesmaids deals.
While I don’t know if she’ll follow through on her promises, the bride vows (get it?) to find discounts for the bridesmaids’ travel for the various wedding events. That’s another task that seems to be beneath many brides.
One of her closest friends betrayed her.
This bride deserves some sympathy. Someone she believed to be in her inner circle forwarded the e-mail she received. I don’t think we know if she sent it straight to Gawker, but she obviously passed it around with a “Can you believe this biyotch?” preface. The writer-bride made it clear how important the recipients on that e-mail are to her, and we can assume that the person who hit the fwd button didn’t take up her discontent with the tone and content of the e-mail with the bride before doing so. The bride wins for not being the passive-aggressive one here.
Of course, it’s a huge problem that the bride has so many demands in the first place and would rather forbid a friend from being a bridesmaid than allow her to skip flying in for an engagement party in New York or Connecticut. But the unfortunate reality is most brides are like this; they just don’t wind up on Gawker.
Do you feel a little bad for this bride or do you still think she’s a nut job? Have you ever received an e-mail like the one she wrote? How did you react?
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Photo by Cris Valencia